I'm sooooo tired...

Got such a busy time ahead of me - tonight is the only night I've had off for a while. This weekend I'm in Nottingham with the mole-folks and tomorrow I'm meeting Helena - an old matey who has moved to Norwich. Friday eve I've penciled in Angela and Nick as I never get chance to see her anymore - and I need the Angie fix!

Tonight I've mostly been compiling rotas and emailing and sorting out my hardrive and typing up mins and ignoring the mole move shit about his new room. It's a bit like when you get a new cat and you have to open them up into one room for a bit and then annother and then annother... quite sweet really!

Well - nothing has been done on "Starchild" for what it seems I've hit the wall and don't know what to do nexxt. Luckily I have annother Stephen Lowe session next Tuesday and I do tend to leave them rahter inspired - tired but inspired!

"Mermaids" is too weird for Momentum. It's not offial yet - but Its coming, I can tell - Sarah is avoiding my calls and emails. Declan Keens play is headlining it and, lets face it, we will never be on the same bill if conventional theatre has anyhting to go by. "Mermaids" was just too odd and bizarre and abstract (allthough the Hoff did do a fantastic parody of it!) to be put on stage - its the type of thing that should be rotting somewhere as i lay on the kitchen floor with my body protruding from the gas oven...

Other writing news - "Daddy was like the autumn" s coming allong fucking brilliantly! I've had so many ups and downs with this project that its nice to find something that I can be pleased for it. Here we go...

Regression is my main theme - and like in McEwans early fiction it need to be just as stifiling as it is liberating - simple - subplot.
I put lots of characters who slowly go bonkers in different ways into the story. this is just a reflection of life, really, or at least the life that ive seen. i nned to get a scene where things go sinister in fun and that is my key.

Standin' in the way of control, woowoowoowoowoo!

Well I have nothing of any consiquence to report except that I'm forcing people to be on board on this thing. Semper "whatever" seems to be likely for the name, Sumo is shitin' me up, that kid off "Britian's got talent" scares me with her ugly teeth and its STILL rainin' and its nearly July!
Work sux, as per, and it gives me a headache. when, oh when can I pack in this boring real world mundane shit and do what my awsome genious is born to do????? Why? Why have I turned into Withnail? ("fools! they'll all suffer!").

Marmee and Pops are coming to Loughborough to visit me tomorrow after Marmee has come back from asia. she's tired and still looking over forms for me 'cos for some reason, the females in my family are pretty good at that type of thing.

And on the 30th I have to go to the Mole's parents house for some garden bbq party thing. Charisse is coming with me to stand demurely next to Eddy and be "ideal" daughter-in-law material as I get progressivly more and more drunk and then barf on the dads prize petunias (actually - knowing the story of the umpa-lumpa bouncy castle gin fulled Xmas party that might not be the case! - I might be dragging her off home in disgrace!)

I've decided to buy a disposable camera. I have absolutly no intrest in a digital one as a) i have no idea how to use it b) I'll probally break it c) I'll loose it d) I'll loose the cable thingy 'cos thats what everyone else does e) it's far too expensive f) it might get stolen. I have not had pics since about 2005 when I went to Brixton to see NIN and Download and 2004-5 New year and thats just sad.

the Mole is currently rewriting Mermaids and Drowning Women it's being a work of absolute parody and I'm somewhat frightened. When I set that exercise I didn't actually expect people to rewrite one of my peices!!! How nieve am I?

Saturday looks like a full un'. Shopping for grad dressess, meetings over late lunches and beer and I've got a Babble to attend in the eve - f anybody wants to come then just let me know. (Meeks - I'm looking at you - remeber that thing we went to? Nomad or something with Jacko? well, its like that but bigger and better and stick "Human Traffic" into the mix! Trust me, You'll love it!)

Oh, and have decided that "The Gossip" are allright as music goes these days.



Not a patch on fear factory!

Dummy

I have set an ecercise on the forum that is downright impossible and challenging to say the least!
"Read annother writers work and retell it." ohhhh, dear.

and the reason why its so impossible is because i dont know what to choose from. ive got:

Blood and Ash
Red
Was the Cat God?
2112
Brutal
Shatter
P&S
Cloud
Hoodies
Semper Eadum

To really choose from 'cos they are the only ones that i have read and can reread. 2 be fair, id like to have a crack at all of them!

Time to wheedle it down....

well i cant do red, cos i had a script of it but have lsot it in the terrible mess of my room.

I cant do Shatter as its "impenitrable" (fnar, fnar!) no, i cant do it becuause i cant pinpoint an exact spot that i can go from (and thats just me being crappy)

for the same reasons - Semper is impossible to do. also i will probally fuck up the dialouge.

ill cut out P&S and cloud becuse they are ones that i have only read once, same for blood and ash.

so that leaves me with:
2112
Was the cat god?
Hoodies
Brutal

well i wont do was the cat god? because i know too much about it and its a wee bit touchy to rewrite something that was written by your fella.

and ill not do hoodies because its the obvious choice for me (as am secretly a massive chav)

and ill not do brutal as its also something that is likely for me to do as its the whole inconventional relationship thing.

so im left with...

2112.

oh dear.

Its chosen because its somehting that i wouldnt normally write and i like a challenge!!!

sorry Hannah, it might come out a bit weird!

Crikey!

Well Im now doing the impossible task of cutting and pasting everyones bits into my master plan... this is fun, totoally unmanagable and quite a headache!

so wee are meeting on 23rd June (ironically enough mine and the mole's 6 month aniversiry - i know it donset seem that long at all! - he also dont want to do anyhting 4 it cos he says its a made up thing - also eddy and rece gave each other expensive gifts and went out for a nice meal so that means all im gonna get is anti-capitilist moaning all evening)

so, yeah, things that need to be discussed... and im making a list:

• greviency polocy
• Grants for the Arse
• Conucil funding
  
• volunteers
  
• deadlines
  
• photos
• DIY
• rehersal space
• declan and the internet
• TWP
• marketing and reserch
• workshops?
• venue viewing
  
• accounts and finances
  

anybody else got any agenda items then email them to me, forum me, or put them in the comments bit.

oh well

What I'm suppsoed to be doing is looking at putting together some words on how great I and a few others are. What I have done, however, is tidy up my bedroom and stick dodgy photos on my wall.

I have the worlds biggest spot growing on the left hand side of my face. im sure its going to start talking soon, and the thing is i havent really been that unhealthy at all this wekk! ive been drinking the recomended ammount of water, sticking to the recomended ammounts of booze and eating seads and rice and veggies and fruit. and the world rewards me with something that looks like its sentient.

Charisse and Eddy have gone to the realm of the grown up and moved somewhere off tudor road, so that means Hoffmole will be taking the spare room at some point this month. to be honest i would have perferred it if that lot hadnt smashed up their house and practically got ASBO's and taken it slower, but these things happen and its a practicality thing. Also it is kinda useful to have someone at hand when you are writing to bounc ideas off, but hey! thats what tinternets for!

crap, thanks.

I feel crap. I'm utterly starving and promised the mole that i would wait for him before i cook dinner, to be honest any food would be good right about now. i should be getting on with some writing of some description but thats just not going to happen now as im so mentally tired that i feel that my brain is oozing out of my ears...

so wahts my next move? i fancy going to the cinema at some point to see a terrible film thats been overpriced and eat cardbord nachos with cheese thats just wrong, some hagen daz wouldnt go amiss either.

Practicalities

With Starchild and The Cave I'm begining to think "how is this to be done?" you see if you imagine something, only then can it be made, but i dont want to be an arsehole and create somehting thats impossible for the sake of being impossible.

So I'm thinking that I should perhaps do something with puppetry for the tree and the snake, or else how will the audience know who is talking?

Also with the sky, i wanted the lights in the sky to twinkle when she talks and for starchild to form out of her randomly - also if he is in a scene he fades in and out as he is fluid and not here nor there. so animation and projection seems to be quite a good idea.

i dont want to give the tree a mouth or to use the words "so tree, what do you think?" as its tacky but for when he speaks i want his brances to move in a sinister / judderman meets the muppets way, but is this too overambitious for an adult audience - you see with kids they are much more accomodating for weirdness, adults are rubbish really!

im really getting into starchild and the cave as a peice as a whole - s'very weird that i feel like this early on in a peice. since i wrote sing sing i have not stopped writing a play nor have i enjoyed it as much as creating this.

Stop! I'm lost!

well Starchild and the Cave is a bit of a challenge at the moment. Here is a recap of the first 5 scenes...

1. enter the world of the play. the cave comes on and collects apples, starchild toys with her and we see the animosity between the 2. starchild is arogant and the cave is vulgar and violent.
   
2. the tree and the cave - a conversation about people in hte desert, as the cave recounts a myth, the tree mourns over a lost love... this acene is by far the best dialouge wize, alltho, its more like mermaids
   
3. the same story recounted between starchild and the sky. this scene is supposed to a) properly introduce starchild, b) introduce the sky c) be funny
4. starchild and the cave finally have a conversation, the only problem is that damned serpent keeps getting in the way!
   
5. the serpent and his persistance. does he or dont he get that apple?
   

now i need to know where to go next. im thinking the apple is gonee in the next scene and its between the sky and the tree, but what does the apple really symbolise? the serpent would have got it, but why so early on? the tree and the sky are the people that i need to explore, how does the apple and the serpent reflect starchild and the cave?

Nan, you'r a window shopper

Seems like I spend every friday at the dentists. I know its annoying Hoffmole somewhat, the fact that he needs to shelve any plans that he might have for a friday to cope with me fretting all morning then spazzy all afternoon, poor thing.

Yesterday I discovered the joys of Yoo Tube. i know it sounds like I'm a bit of a retard not really knowing anything about it, but i discovered the Levellers live stuff on there and it made me happy. Stuff from 1993 and I looked at them drinking cider and special brew, dogs on tatty peices of string, dreadlocks, fiddle and the drum and all that and look at how i turned out... i just need to be dancing ontop of stonehenge...

jesus, these days i look really old. leaving uni and working has aged me very quickly. its stress and lack of sleep and general hatred for the world. i still dont bother wearing make up hardly ever, i really should seeing as when i and the mole are out he looks about 15 and i look about 60. seriously, people must think im his mother, i bet he could get shild prices on the bus.

today i tried on a dress that i had bouth from primark, its very lilly allen in a weird way, hoff liked it and said it was sweet, but it made me look fat :(

distorted body image day.

Wolverette Zine

check out the "links n ting" section. i am really impressed with what Wolverette Zine are doing for payment for copies of the zine, the whole trading stuff for it thing! I think it's great!

its in the serpents nature...

to eat the apple, and the cave sees this. Starchild however is jellous of the compassion that she shows the serpent and feels that it is a challenge to the connection that he feels for her.

i had a very long conversation last night with Hoffmole about how women and men are different and what power each gender has over the other.

man feel that women are manipulative over sexuality. women, often do not see themselves doing this. men try to attract women via their minds and wit while women do this via sexuality, looks and flirtatiousness.

women will antagonise over the control and power they have in a patriarchial society by mesuring themselves to other women. that is why the copy of "Love It" i had the other day is filled with pictures of women and beauty tips and clothes. it is a) to sell products, b) to show and ideal to strive for and c) to reinforce to the woman that they will never be 100% in control or empowered.

man will antagonise over "his" woman. as she is flexing control and sensitivity (perhaps not in the blatent flirt way - in other ways!) over other creatures he then gets jellous and thinks that he was foolish to think that there was somehting special between man and woman.

now this simple premise is the sentiment behind the 4th scene of starchild and the cave. the cave empathises with the serpant as he is only going by his nature, he wants the apple. she herself must go by her nature and denounce her love for starchild and become a cave. starchild however does not see the bigger picture (as he is still a child) and simply thinks hte cave is flirting with the serpent. he gets jellous and upset and disapears.

and the other 3 scenes? well... you'll just have to wait and see!

when you really wana get some work done...

it's like totally impossible. It's the monday night before I need to go to nottingham and pretend to be a "real" writer for the evening, so needless to say, I'm having to work my fucking sox off.

But and this is really destracting, the doorbell won't stop going. Firstly, Hoffmole (not too bad as he tends to be over here all the time anyway), Josh, like 20 times, Dave, Ginger Stephen, Rich the terrorist... all these people continually dropping by, I'll get an ASBO by the end of the night...

And all I wanted to do was write "Starchild and the Cave" dedication or what that i get 2 scenes done with this infernal, continuing destraction. Bah! People can all fuck off, I can make friends with those who only exist in my head and can never annoy me by ringing the doorbell!

Also people keep making "hilarious" comments about me putting my head in the oven... grr...

Hoffmole seemed to like what was going on with the new play, and Josh did say

"Sabrina, oyur writings got pretty hot" so perhaps not all bad...

grr.