The best xmas EVER

hi everyone, let me introduce you to hte best xmas EVER.

Right, 1st of all ... I never write about this 'cos not only does it destroy my "image" and my "style" but I've had real issues with my mum and dad.

I'm not going to go inot details but needless to say, i havent spoekn to them in a long while...

mum and dad turned up on my doorstep yesterday and y'now what, i dont care if it ruins my salebility I WAS SOOOO GLAD TO SEE THEM!!!

my mum has been following this blog (she say some of the comments are weird - i blame the alex's and some are so supportive - she mentioned you lucy!!!) and my writing career and (deep breth) I think hse might be PROUD!!!

none of you know what this meens to me!!!

its like being a kiddy again and really feeling that you've done soemthing right and (i hate to say it) being pro authority and eastablishment really floats my boat!!!

and after they left me ang and i cracked open a bottle of wine, forerro roche, and i had a bit of a cry.

AND ANG WAS SO PROUD!!! which means so much more!!!

And, mum, if your reading thins leave comments,k I value them so much! I'll see dad on the 29th and Ang, Lulu and i are making plans to see you in the new year (begin crying now! its not going to be fun for you!!! We'll eat all your nie food and then bugger off to Camden and get really drunk!)

GRANTS FOR THE ARTS!!!!

WROTE TO ME YESTERDAY! I AM NOW FUNDED BY THE ARTS COUNCIL AND A "REAL" WRITER!

I cant believe it! seriously! it's the best news i've had all YEAR!

seriously, you dont know how much this means to me, it's made the difference for me so much. I was very much so at a "sink or swim" stage for a while, its now gonna let me at least poke my head above water!

I suppose as a "networking" i should treat you all to a pint!

And I really want to say a huge THANK YOU to Damien! All the hard work and everything! keep your eyes peeled - a bottle is winging its way to you tomorrow!

I'm not sure what to do with the logo that I'm allowed to use (brand it on my bottom?) or what to start doing first, but I'm still in shock mode!

IF I SEE jAECK lACOWSKI i'M GONNA RUN UP AND KISS HIS LITTLE HEAD!

Damn! I should really start writing that fucking novel!

HYPER!

STOP. HAMMER TIME!

Beauty

is a word that I really can't spell at the best of times, but its a theme that is connected wth feminist writing and feminism, so I suppose it could really apply to my stuff and my attitudes towards it could have some type of impact (?)

Actaully it really all stemmed from a friend of mine having a dream about my attitudes towards beauty. somehting to do with me looking like lyndsy lohan and then going mad and getting a tramp to remove my eyes ...

So, I remember when i was at uni and I read an essay on make up and beauty, it hinted that vanity was poisonous and that make up was poison that slowly killed hte wearer of the make up (mental)

and how does beauty really apply into my writing situation? Well my characters are weird when it comes to beauty.they dress oddly, bury their clothes and go to fancy dress parties.

they dress for times past way before their real time, are models and burlesque strippers.

what does it all mean???

Popular Culture

Very strange, when I was doing the tour of blogs I noticed that Charisse put a comment on Lucy's saying that its the prettiest blog ever, Morph and Alex's blogs are just weird and mine seems to be really overpopulated with popular culture, esp with the pictures.

It's far too colourful and dark at the same time. I'm getting worried about my contrasting tastes and style... Makes me look odd and bizzare, like I'm wishy washy and flakey. :(

and I do like Lilly Allen. Want to do Lilly Allen Karioke...

with gin.

Am I right?

I submitted stories to quatrecento magazine and monday night lit mag and i have that awful sinking feeling that perhaps I'm not the type of writer they like to promote...

It's all the "reserch your market" business that I never really do very well perfering just trial and error, It was when I was scrolling through pictures of all the past writers that they had published that I felt a bit "hmmm"

And It was simply by looking at them... the pictures I mean, all of the submitees were over fifty, all were white, all the guys had lost their hair...

So that leads me to really think who would like to publish my stuff? I really am not too sure if there are any young "funky" (hate that word) mags out there tha would like hte ramblings of meeeee, hmmm.

If anybody knows of anywhere suitable then please do tell me...!!!

Back on the shelf

Well, now I am well and truly back on the shelf I thought I would compile togehter pics of all the guys (famous) I have fancied and see if there are any strinking similaraties!
Hmm Apart from them looking a bit like they are on drugs, not really...

Well, In reality the guys i have liked have seemed like the nicest, wittiest, best looking etc at the time and then I relsie that they are more assholes! So how does this influence my writing? Firstly perhaps I should concentrate on chick lit(!!!) although I really hate the whole Bridget Jones thing, more subversive chick lit (which seems to ge me nowhere - but I do enjoy writing it)
and the general thing I do where I dont really get depressed, i get Angry... well that influences my writign somewhat, and I get cynical, really cynical and it comes out in hte writing tenfold.

and then the characters. my male characters are always weird looking. I tend to describe male characters as being kinda minging but with a lot of charisma (the type I tend to go for in real life!) that is the male protagonists and love intrests. I recon I might write about annother type of bloke, but I am limited to experince... like I wouldnt feel comfy writign about churchgoing elderly guy when I've never met any.

Bad Influence

I'm a great one for believeing that stuff influences what I create and so I'm gonna make a list of what has had a genrally large impact in my life and how it manifests itself in my writing:
Music

• Britpop - I was a great fan of Britpop back in the day and The Colour of Magic possibly shows this more than other stories. Ironically enough I'll only listen to Blur and Oasis now and never bothered much then, I was more into Suede and Pulp and more of the flamboyant - male Britpop rather than the female pop-punk britpop like Elastica and Kenickie... Dunno. I think Britpop comes out in my writing in 2 ways. Overtly: Like the charcter of Doogie and the arguments in The Colour of Magic and more sutubly in style like the nihilistic / darker / navel gazing themes of Toyland and Daddy was like the Autumn.
• Industrial - i got into industrial a bit later, and its more in the themes (although I'm sue that the boys-with-mohekians thing thats present in Summer 2000 is from this) rather then direct influences. its the pholosophy of human / machine / nihalistic style that tends to come out in work. esp. Daddy was like the Autumn.
• Pop-punk - comes out in my wappy comedic-type plots that are moslty not so wappy and not so comedic. I like the silliness of it but i'm not very funny. I'm hoping to bestow this in my new play (working title Danvers)
• Grrrl Rock - manifests itself in hte attitude of some female characters. Drawing heavily from figures from this movement its more present in hte drama like Sing,sing Death House and short stories like Medea.

Film

• Fight Club - I love the style and structure. I embody this is Medea quite a bit, like the sentiment too ("you are not a beautiful unique snowflake, god didnt want you...")
• Early John hughes - now who wouldnt like to write dialouge like in The Breakfast Club???
• Withnail and I - characters, pure characters. Arthur from Daddy was like the Autumn is very much Withnail based. I even wote a short story about the theatre that was very Withnail and I but in London rather than Penrith. (Black Books - alltho not technically a film also has a similar infuence)
• Tim Burton Movies - its pure style! I like creating worlds! see Toyland.

I shant go into books 'cos every book tends to inspire me!

I'm back Baby (kinda)

I have decide to reward myslef with a holiday from writing from now until 22nd Dec when my work stops and I can really devote time.

The only thing i will be doing (appart from Gods tonight) is meeting with Ladyfesters on Fri to get the applications and funding finalised. Beyond that I'm not going to do anything to any prose or drama. I need to sort head out before I write.

But I do feel a hell of a lot better, just bogged down with the money work and general ex issues... I feel metally better and physically better (been ill)

I'm going emo

The past 24 hours have been crazy. Absolutly crazy.

About midday yestaerday I left my house to meet with my friend Corinne and we were going to go to Nandos and get lunch. Corinne wanted to chat to me about the whole "Hans" situation (and for those opf you who don't know - yes, its deffo over. and No, I never want to have annother boyfriend ever again, too much emotional wreckage!) As I was waiting for Corinne at town hall square there were female moris dancers from Loughborough doing the Morris...
Anyway, We decided to go for a wwhite russian before nandos (bad, bad move) and went to firefly (i refuse "bug") wherepon Marv's sister (Marv being a slightly retarded old school mate of mine and Corinne's boyfriend) came over really pissed. she had finished wwork at 5am and hadnt slept and had 3 hours before going to wwork. she was crying over her father and totally hysterical and mental. Its really bad when you cant get served in the pub you work in...
Anyway, we talked Marv's sister into going home and getting some rest before her shift started and Corinne and I sat don to a nice bottle of wine... Then my phone rang and it was my best mate Angie who has also split up with her cunty boyfriend Mark a few days before "Hans" and I finished. She wwas bawling, really bad. Thought she was going to kill herself.
So corinne and I got hte fly staff to put hte bottle behind the bar for us and were going to get it back later. we ran back to the narb and angie wwas in and her cunty ex was about making dinner. she didnt know he was coming bak, i had phoned Lucy H on the way and she turned up at Angies. We really are good mates, we rally round!

Mark refused to leave. he can be a bigger cunt than i can even make up. we were going to levae and go back to mine and Lucy H's but Ang's keys had mysteriously vanished.. I Called my mate little Alex to ome over and paify mark. I was going to stay the night at angies, we'd share her bed, but you have to remember ang hadnt slept for more than about 5 hours over the past 4 days. she was in shock and fragile.

Didnt help that mark was discussing the girl he had slept with the night before when Little Alex and JW Bennett turned up. they all sat aboput until 7ish in the morning "contemplationg the universe" they didnt like it when i pointed out that the entire conversation was bollocks and plato 101 from a level philosophy, they liked it even less when i said that i had previously studied their religion argument at gcse sociology - boys, itscalled secularisation... look it up on wikipedia...

Angie was mental, crying and falling aout and not coping. i made her get about an hours sleep and she fell asleep on the bathroom floor. at 7ish mark suddenly turned and kicked her out of the flat, i went with ehr and she called her stepdad billy sparkles.

Good ole Billy Sparkles, he picked us up outside the spar and we went to angies mums house. angie had a bath and got some sleep. i watched hollyoaks and grabed a shower. angies mum made sunday roast (melon followed by prok chops and stuffing with home made rice pudding - yum!) and i relised that the last time i had eaten was friday some time, it was now sunday, granted angie wwas worse than me, but i eat all the time. havent been like this for a long time.

and then mark called ang and said she had to go home and make dinner for him. WHAT!!!

and os she said no he told her to come and get her stuff from the flat before he trashed the whole lot.

so she called his parents hoping they would talk sence into him.

Marks mum called back saying no. the flat is now marks and angie had to get her things out tonight. mark and his dad were going to hte pub.

bearing in mind this flat is 100%, rent bills, tenancy agreement all in the name angela wesley. NOT Mark Wilkins.

and then there was the cat to consider.

Milly is the fattest, most spoilt (and now traumatised) creature belonging to the cat family there is. she now lives on my stairs.

Billy sparkles, angies mum, me, hysterical angie and (somehow) Josh went over to the flat to get the cat, get most of angies stuff and scarper to angies mums. when we arrived it was a tip, marks p[arents were sat at his feet indulging the veruca salt wannabe and JW Bennett was asleep in Angies bed. the cat was under it and refusing to move.

Josh tipped up the bed (JW Bennett did not stir from his slumber) and i went uder it to get the cat. no sucess.

JW Bennett woke up and said "I feel like I'm being evicted! Where's Alex?" to Angies mum.

we got the cat. JW said he would try and calm mark down who was fing and blinding at angela. his mum and dad did nothing.

and tehn we got back to mine all had a cup of tea and i promptly burst into tears about Lee.

there is a story in this somehwhere.

we're not worthy!

well its that itme again where I think I may as well do teh rounds and try and find places that will take my work, seriously, I really dont do this often enough (only having sent out sumbissions en mass once or twice and got little response) so here are a few on my hit list

http://www.mondaynightlit.com/submit.html

http://www.chapman-pub.co.uk/contributions.php

http://www.quattrocento.co.uk/contribute.htm

ok, now i feel foolish. after taking a huge list out of Myslexia and thinking my stuff will be good for all of these, I find I am actually only suitable for 3.

Stories considered for publication in these (considered by me - not by them, they will probally tell me to F off) are "The Colour of Magic" and "Medea."

Thank You (no, not a dodgy Alanis Morisette - who we all know is actually God - Song)

I know I said I wouldn't post for a while but I really need to say a big THANK YOU to everyone, Lucy W for being understanding and caring and a wonderful person, Morph for philosophising about my life (so I don't have to!), Poopy Charisse for taking me out for indian goodness and letting me whinge and rampage, Angela for being the person who can see straight through me months and months and months ago, Lucy H for always being there, fish for making me laugh, always with his randomisms, JW Bennett (famous author) for being the voice of reason in a messed up world and esp to Alex for making silly ecards that make me howl with laughter until people want to tie me up and take me away!

Snakebite and Black!

hiatus

Apologies.

Got far too much going on with home life at the moment.
Going on Hiatus for a bit (ie: before nervous breakdown) so no updates for a bit.

Sitcoms

After a discussion I had last night about comercial writing and cult writing and making money I thought I should really think about a field that I could feasablly do that is commercial. Now you see the problem with me is not that I'm utterly snobby about writing commercial fiction, it's just that I CAN'T DO IT!!!

Really, I can't. It pains me to admit but I just dont really understnad what commercial fiction is and don't tend to read it. I seem to be in my own little bubble. If I did write it I'd possibly hate what I was writing and it would show that I thought it was a pile of rubbish. I can't write genre fiction for the same reason.

So what do I enjoy watching / reading that many others do too? Well, the answer is sitcoms.

Really - I'm not taking the piss, I could watch some of the great oldies, Reginald Perrin, It ain't half hot mum, Hi-di-Hi, You Rang M'Lord, Citizen Smith, Allo Allo, Are you being served?, Dads army, Open all hours, Poridge, Rising Damp, ever decresing circles, Terry and June, Steptoe and Son, Some Mothers do Ave Em, Fawlty Towers... the list goes on (only ones Am not too keen on are the Alf Garnet, the Likely Lads, The Liver Birds - and thats 'cos I think they are terrible) all bloody day!

And most of them from the eighties to today aer even better: Blackadder, Red Dwarf, The Young Ones (apart from when Alexi SAle comes onto the screen) Bottom, Spaced, Brittas Empire, Drop hte dead donkey, AbFab, Father Ted (in my mind the BEST EVER sitcom), Only fools and Horses, Black Books, Nathan Barely, Two Pints of Larger, Two Point Four Children... annother endless list....

So seeing as I love sitcoms so much why dont I try and write one? I tried once before (working title of "Shitcom" 'cos I thought it was) about some people that worked in a jobcentre, but the problem I found then is that I'm not very funny, I dont have a super transferable sence of humour, so I tried to write it with fishboy but that didnt really work out...

So to create a sucessful sitcom i suppose it has to be character based. Steptoe and Son wouldnt have been half as popular if old man steptoe wasnt such a "dirty old Man" neither would father Ted have been as good if Dougal was cleaver, or ted told the truth.

and then it needs to be ballenced with a farce-styple plot, now, I'm a bit crap with plots and recon that a farce might just be beyond me. Its gotta be the most difficult of plots to create. So writing for a sitcom is possibly one of the most difficult types of writing that their is!

The Subtext of Subutext

Just an idea for annother drug story. I'm gonna be the female Irvine Welsh!

I have always wanted to put Irish Steve into a story as a character. I think it just works, so in a Tyus from Spaced way he will give my narrator (same old) a pill and it will be subutext rather than E . She and her fella neck them and its descriptive rather than mush more and highlights problems in their realtionship.

Actually this might work as a scene in my novel.

Innitially it was just intended to be a story to set my brain working again.

I'm a Fucking Stupid Wanker

I really am and I'm the first person to admit it. Talk about fucking stupid, I have managed to fuck up my Tripod... Really, I've screwed myself by imagining a 5 next to a 1 and creating 15th december submission deadline date... how dumb am I?

Anyway its the first today and im rushing and printing and trying to get it in and wondering if i should email them or what? I'm gonna just send it and hope they still consider me... I mean it's £200 if they do like it and I'm begining to starve, it's not fucking funny, I'm really becoming the poor starving writer, perhaps I'll die in the snow selling fucking matches.

Well it's printed now in the extortinate internet cafe, because my printer and my computer are "having a moment" and that leaves me feeling very unimpressed... I'm really not doing too well in keeping myself grounded and sorted and not running away with the faires.

Oh yeah, just while I remember, a big up to Morph for getting his play "God's" put on by LUT (non bitter) :)

And tonight smokescreen are playing the music cafe and I'm supposed to be going out to the fanclub and all I want to do is hang out with Angie 'cos I never get to see her anymore and I really feel that I need to spend some time with her. Dear Reader (oo err! gone a bit Jane Eyre there!), You must appreciate that Angie and I have rarely spent much time appart since we were 11, and we met when we were 7 so it's a weird close-ness thing. She 100% does my head in but she and Lucy H (similar situation) are the closest thing I have to family....