how to make the arts council hate you!

Firstly just keep applyin with stupid ideas that need funding. Today I woke up after a unsatisfying night out with every intent to work on starchild and the cave but was just itching to dive into a funding bid for a future project that i've been discussing with a few people. So i loaded up word and began with comic sands and, i dont know how they do it, but each question in the proposal requires the same answer over and over again. is it normal to keep repeating yourself like a drunk tramp on the form? is it designed so that a sleepy arts councilar can read it and eventually get the drift or am i just doing it wrong? probally the latter.

PMT induced mardyness last night, but what do you expect when you go out for a drink with your mate and she just invites yours, and your boyfriends, exes along? ghhhha! night of the living dead romances i tell thee!

I'll Probally Get a Spanking for this...

...From "the Boyfriend", but to be fair, we have been having some minor problems of late. you see, we were mates before we got together, like, not overly close mates but we met and kinda hit it off on a purely platonic level. To be fair I didn't notice him at all, seeing as I was with "Hans" and all (look back at previous posts if unsure).

And cut a long story short we were the type of people that are quite sociable before we were a couple, like I remember one night when we went to smokescreen and I was dancing like an arse and he was doing star jumps in the corner, that type of thing. And he lived quite close - literally round the corner - so we were always bumping inot each other, even when going to the shop and stuff. and his haousemates and my mates are all friends and stuff, so much so that even my housemate (the odd one with the cheese diary - no. I don't know what thats about either!) and his brother (who he lives with) started going out.

and then like, when we got together, i think we both relised that, deep down, we're actually social idiots! Like, not in a good way. We kinda spend too much time together, and thats why I dont get much chance to write or update my blog and stuff. Esp. at the very begining, which is fair enough with the whole honeymoon period and stuff.

So today i decided to tell him that we need to spend some time appart. Not like a "I think we should have a trial seperation-on the lead up to our divorce" way, just the odd night apart so we can do our own thing. And I felt really guilty about bringing it up! I mean, one of the main reasons why he's always over at mine these days is because his beroom window is broken and its really cold to sleep in there at night. Also, some of his housemates are a bit bonkers and argue all the time and annother one is a bit of a freeloader, but thats annother story... But we're giving it a go and he seems to like having the night off to watch some old men in waistcoats play snooker and I can read / write / update blog etc and he seems to be coming round to my way of thinking.

But it really made me think how a good relationship can be spoilt just by rusing it! Seriously, back in the old days when you had to be with someone and get married like, straight away, what was all that about? and couples who are religious who then get married 'cos they want to get laid without sin? and just normal couples in general who rush stuff and cut themselves off from other friends simply because they want to be together all the time - and I think there might be a play in this somewhere where the theme is about rushing things... cue heavy meatphor and stick them all up a tree talking in spanish and you got annother award winning Sabrina play!!!

My perfect man <3 <3 <3 HAR HAR!

Well, as I seem to be writing a play about relationships and such things I decided to dig out an old notepad of mine from about 2003 (when in a very dodgy relationship - or just after, I can't remember) that had a very odd list in it compiling all the aspects I wanted in a bloke. It's very scary when you read it and look at "The Boyfriend" hmm... sometimes when you get what you think you want you just dont want it anymore (joke)

Anyway - here is the list in its original format:

My Perfect man! harharhar

intelegent, mad, be able to consume large quantaties of booze and not be upset when i do, middle class - NO working class bums this time, fun to be arround, good in bed, caring, kind, considerate in an unconventional way, some sence of style, some type of career and ambition, a bit eccentric, rich, oppinionated, sensitive, not minding my male friends, physically attractive to me (ie, tall / malnurished!), big hair would be great - NO MULLETS, large hands, to wash, spots or some imperfections, must like curry and i can be his own personal goddess!

A MAN LIKE THIS DOES NOT EXIST!

Christ! how nieve was I? Appart from the tall, rich, big hands bits I got what I wanted...

Having a Wanky Time

Well this weekend has been rubbish. Really it has. Firstly, Thursday night I went over to Angie's and got far too drunk on cheap cider, Friday I went to try and pay the gas bill and Lecky bill, was sent all the way around town for ages and grr... oh it did my head in. How the hell are you supposed to pay your bills when nowhere will let you? Anyways, I enventually found a paypoint and paid one, the other one wouldnt "scan" properly or something... I think the woman was lying just to piss me off.

Anyway - after some weird german butcher brandished a knife at me armed with "garlicky lard" as "The Boyfriend" puts it and I spent far too much money on Disney videos (yes - I am a serial killer) I went home and had Kangeroo for dinner (all of this is true) it was very tasty.

That night "The Boyfriend" and I had our first major, major argument (Ie: me crying and threatnig to break things as he looks on clueless) and it was all about fucking class! Class? who gives a shit?

You see "The Boyfriend" is a nice middle class boy and his middle name is Charles and everything. Also, like most nice middle class kids he has a truckload of tean angst that didn't evaporate when he passed Twenty. He tells his mum and dad all kinds of things about me which are not true (or not strictly true - like, I make a joke and he tells them that I hate their house in all honesty - retard). And the reason why he does this is because he wants to piss them off. It's kinda like he uses me to annoy them 'cos I didnt grow up in an Enid Blyton book and he did or something (smugglers and dogs called George and all that), which in turn makes me very angry and accusing him of using me as a wepon against his family (which - in all honesty - is nothing to do with me) and in turn question the reasons why he's with me (ie. just 'cos his mum and dad are gaurenteed not to like me, 'cos lets face it, no boyfriends parents have ever liked me, I'm either too common or too posh - cant win) and I warn you now, Every-fucking-word of that conversation is going in my new play in some way shape or form.

Anyways, Saturday, and we print off our scripts and have to run all over Leicester to get them to Sarah F in time and its a nightmare and the damned woman in the post office lied to me and was obnoxious. Have a sneaky suspision it was the same woman with the lecky bill. Also had a Leftbank burger, which was disapointing (and they are usually sooo nice!)

Saturday night and I'm in a mood. We go to the fair and I have a fairly good time having never ridden a ghost train before and Hoffmole went on the spinny-thing-that-dosent-strap-you-in-and-looks-like-will-cause-death and when he came off his hair was, like REALLY big! Afterwards we went to the pub and were tempted into doing Kareoke. I sang Heaven is a Place on Earth (in the style of Courtney Love) and LDN. Waderunna did Material girl and Son of a preacher Man and Hoffmoles rendition of Gay Bar must be on yootube somewhere by now! also Ebeneezer Goode ala Hoffmole was not to be missed... man it was like wrong.

so in the end it wasnt so bad :)

Blind Squid

Well, I had a very odd day. Yesterday has given me inspiration for the new play. You know the one i'm supposed to be developing with Stephen Lowe and TWP that I havent even thought about yet...

Well, I woke up actually quite happy with the world and (hormones - I blame hormones) actually feeling wuite loved up and into "The Boyfriend" (no - I dont mean like that!). I was all like "aww, he's soooo sweet" and "He's really cute" (cue puke noises) but it made me think about the theme behind my new weird play. It's gonna be about a relationship between 2 people, possibly a 2 hander, in fact, and how it donsent work (oh, I'm so cheary). Its gonna be about a primitive society and some person who is from a different world. Its some crazy metaphor for people's relationships and how class can effect it. the boy made out of stars and the cave woman and their weird relationship... I dunno. It's gonna be one of those weird marxist plays about (cue Frank Gallighar) "society" and the individual concept of contentment and happiness.

Anyway - yeah, yesterday was weird. I forgot that my dad is a massive racist! forgot to the point that he even married a chinese woman and had 2 little mixed race kids...