I'll Probally Get a Spanking for this...

...From "the Boyfriend", but to be fair, we have been having some minor problems of late. you see, we were mates before we got together, like, not overly close mates but we met and kinda hit it off on a purely platonic level. To be fair I didn't notice him at all, seeing as I was with "Hans" and all (look back at previous posts if unsure).

And cut a long story short we were the type of people that are quite sociable before we were a couple, like I remember one night when we went to smokescreen and I was dancing like an arse and he was doing star jumps in the corner, that type of thing. And he lived quite close - literally round the corner - so we were always bumping inot each other, even when going to the shop and stuff. and his haousemates and my mates are all friends and stuff, so much so that even my housemate (the odd one with the cheese diary - no. I don't know what thats about either!) and his brother (who he lives with) started going out.

and then like, when we got together, i think we both relised that, deep down, we're actually social idiots! Like, not in a good way. We kinda spend too much time together, and thats why I dont get much chance to write or update my blog and stuff. Esp. at the very begining, which is fair enough with the whole honeymoon period and stuff.

So today i decided to tell him that we need to spend some time appart. Not like a "I think we should have a trial seperation-on the lead up to our divorce" way, just the odd night apart so we can do our own thing. And I felt really guilty about bringing it up! I mean, one of the main reasons why he's always over at mine these days is because his beroom window is broken and its really cold to sleep in there at night. Also, some of his housemates are a bit bonkers and argue all the time and annother one is a bit of a freeloader, but thats annother story... But we're giving it a go and he seems to like having the night off to watch some old men in waistcoats play snooker and I can read / write / update blog etc and he seems to be coming round to my way of thinking.

But it really made me think how a good relationship can be spoilt just by rusing it! Seriously, back in the old days when you had to be with someone and get married like, straight away, what was all that about? and couples who are religious who then get married 'cos they want to get laid without sin? and just normal couples in general who rush stuff and cut themselves off from other friends simply because they want to be together all the time - and I think there might be a play in this somewhere where the theme is about rushing things... cue heavy meatphor and stick them all up a tree talking in spanish and you got annother award winning Sabrina play!!!

the Beauty Myth

I really hope this links http://jade-nadezhda.blogspot.com/

this blog entry and the images uses really demonstrates a point that I think everyone needs to address.

THE FAKE STATUS OF OUR SOCIETY and THE IMPOSSIBLE EXTREEMS THAT PERFECTION EXPECTS

makes me blood boil

My perfect man <3 <3 <3 HAR HAR!

Well, as I seem to be writing a play about relationships and such things I decided to dig out an old notepad of mine from about 2003 (when in a very dodgy relationship - or just after, I can't remember) that had a very odd list in it compiling all the aspects I wanted in a bloke. It's very scary when you read it and look at "The Boyfriend" hmm... sometimes when you get what you think you want you just dont want it anymore (joke)

Anyway - here is the list in its original format:

My Perfect man! harharhar

intelegent, mad, be able to consume large quantaties of booze and not be upset when i do, middle class - NO working class bums this time, fun to be arround, good in bed, caring, kind, considerate in an unconventional way, some sence of style, some type of career and ambition, a bit eccentric, rich, oppinionated, sensitive, not minding my male friends, physically attractive to me (ie, tall / malnurished!), big hair would be great - NO MULLETS, large hands, to wash, spots or some imperfections, must like curry and i can be his own personal goddess!

A MAN LIKE THIS DOES NOT EXIST!

Christ! how nieve was I? Appart from the tall, rich, big hands bits I got what I wanted...

MySpace is Wack

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=117520128

Now, you see Charisse told me that there were pics of Howard and Vince on the MySpace but I just cant find them!!! I'm so retarded that I really can't work out MySpace. :(

Having a Wanky Time

Well this weekend has been rubbish. Really it has. Firstly, Thursday night I went over to Angie's and got far too drunk on cheap cider, Friday I went to try and pay the gas bill and Lecky bill, was sent all the way around town for ages and grr... oh it did my head in. How the hell are you supposed to pay your bills when nowhere will let you? Anyways, I enventually found a paypoint and paid one, the other one wouldnt "scan" properly or something... I think the woman was lying just to piss me off.

Anyway - after some weird german butcher brandished a knife at me armed with "garlicky lard" as "The Boyfriend" puts it and I spent far too much money on Disney videos (yes - I am a serial killer) I went home and had Kangeroo for dinner (all of this is true) it was very tasty.

That night "The Boyfriend" and I had our first major, major argument (Ie: me crying and threatnig to break things as he looks on clueless) and it was all about fucking class! Class? who gives a shit?

You see "The Boyfriend" is a nice middle class boy and his middle name is Charles and everything. Also, like most nice middle class kids he has a truckload of tean angst that didn't evaporate when he passed Twenty. He tells his mum and dad all kinds of things about me which are not true (or not strictly true - like, I make a joke and he tells them that I hate their house in all honesty - retard). And the reason why he does this is because he wants to piss them off. It's kinda like he uses me to annoy them 'cos I didnt grow up in an Enid Blyton book and he did or something (smugglers and dogs called George and all that), which in turn makes me very angry and accusing him of using me as a wepon against his family (which - in all honesty - is nothing to do with me) and in turn question the reasons why he's with me (ie. just 'cos his mum and dad are gaurenteed not to like me, 'cos lets face it, no boyfriends parents have ever liked me, I'm either too common or too posh - cant win) and I warn you now, Every-fucking-word of that conversation is going in my new play in some way shape or form.

Anyways, Saturday, and we print off our scripts and have to run all over Leicester to get them to Sarah F in time and its a nightmare and the damned woman in the post office lied to me and was obnoxious. Have a sneaky suspision it was the same woman with the lecky bill. Also had a Leftbank burger, which was disapointing (and they are usually sooo nice!)

Saturday night and I'm in a mood. We go to the fair and I have a fairly good time having never ridden a ghost train before and Hoffmole went on the spinny-thing-that-dosent-strap-you-in-and-looks-like-will-cause-death and when he came off his hair was, like REALLY big! Afterwards we went to the pub and were tempted into doing Kareoke. I sang Heaven is a Place on Earth (in the style of Courtney Love) and LDN. Waderunna did Material girl and Son of a preacher Man and Hoffmoles rendition of Gay Bar must be on yootube somewhere by now! also Ebeneezer Goode ala Hoffmole was not to be missed... man it was like wrong.

so in the end it wasnt so bad :)

The Hoffmole has just discovered...

... that Howard's main purpous in life is to sit in the corner of a room and stare at an ironing board.










Persian cats are odd.


This cat is really very ugly. He is not as ugly as Howard though!

Blind Squid

Well, I had a very odd day. Yesterday has given me inspiration for the new play. You know the one i'm supposed to be developing with Stephen Lowe and TWP that I havent even thought about yet...

Well, I woke up actually quite happy with the world and (hormones - I blame hormones) actually feeling wuite loved up and into "The Boyfriend" (no - I dont mean like that!). I was all like "aww, he's soooo sweet" and "He's really cute" (cue puke noises) but it made me think about the theme behind my new weird play. It's gonna be about a relationship between 2 people, possibly a 2 hander, in fact, and how it donsent work (oh, I'm so cheary). Its gonna be about a primitive society and some person who is from a different world. Its some crazy metaphor for people's relationships and how class can effect it. the boy made out of stars and the cave woman and their weird relationship... I dunno. It's gonna be one of those weird marxist plays about (cue Frank Gallighar) "society" and the individual concept of contentment and happiness.

Anyway - yeah, yesterday was weird. I forgot that my dad is a massive racist! forgot to the point that he even married a chinese woman and had 2 little mixed race kids...

I'm finished

Just finished Mermaids! lalalalalalalala! so relieved!!!!

If anybody wants to have a peeky hten please email (some of you have allready been forced to read the damned thing!)

If you look at your reflection... is it all you want to see?

Well, party people. I've some to the last scene in Mermiads and Drowning Women and here is the jist...
As you know the planning process, I split it up into 4 parts: drugs, eric, norm, death... well, as the play is only 45 mins max i changed it and cut out "Norm" as i reconed that so much of the stream of consiousness and crazy ramblings of a twentysomething dreddie would go on far too long...
I've now written my climatic scene. The penultimate and first scene are the best by far. The climatic scene is "Death" (ie. Kirsten is dead) or maybe thats all that the audience were looking at in hte first place?
this scene has much more action in it. I'm not too sure if "Love" section is totally needed, but she is Kirsten's shadow self and spurs her on (or so it seams) to tke blind leaps of faith, so perhaps it is whats needed.
Ophelia and Love are more joined in some ways. Mermaid is the mother and heroin. Eric is the cataclyst.

If anybody wants to read the finished article and give me some feedback just drop me a comment or send me an email.

On other notes I now have to think of the play for the Studio... all i can think of is people made of stars and an old man who has a very limited life. I dunno why. It might work better as a 2 hander, I think i need to watch Lost in Translation as I've never seen it and it sounds intresting.

In the social aspect of the world, there is some kind of dub night on tonight at the music cafe. Hoffmole and I might be attending. Angela is also having a BBQ on Saturday evening.

The Love of my Life

Is a cat called Vince. Ok, he's Charisse's cat but I really have fallen for him.

When he first arrived he was a bit scratchy and bitey. He seems to have a natural mardy disposition. Josh thought he was a witches familar.

The other night he managed to squeese himself under a chest of draws. Vince is quite a monster so it really did defy the laws of physics. He was having a real mardy becuse it was friday the 13th, to be fair all things that were naturally mardy were having one that night (boyfriend included).

I have decided that Vince is now my boyfriend and Alf is the pet. Alfie can sleep at the bottom of the bed.

I managed to kick Vince out of bed last night and he made the weird noise that he does. he's become a bit jumpy now and is reluctant to sleep on the bed, perfering my dirty washing !

Oh, and Hoffmole says he saw him "spank" Howard once!

Submitting

well, now i have the net at home it makes submitting stories all that littel bit easier. Again I turned to my literary guru, Damien for help and advice and have now sumbitted "Tinfoil Flowers and Stars" and "Medea" to Transmission. I've submitted "Tinfiol" to Pulp.net due to them having a story on hteir website that was similar in sentimant and form and will resubmit "tinfoil" for Tripod as they probally didnt read it...

the endless charade goes on and on and all I wanna do is sit back and get paid!

Oh, Lazy, lazy me!

The Mermaid and Ophelia

right, I know that most of you must be totally sick of this play by now but I have made some type of discovery. the real love story isnt about kirsten and eric, its about kirsten and skag. Also Ophelia is the addiction and the mermaid is the effects of heroin!

Just so ya know!

Getting it done

Yesterday I broke through the "barrier" of my Mermaid play and through into the climatic scene. When I write plays I'm a little odd. Firtly I write random things on bits of paper and draw boxes round them, secondly, I write a scene on paper with pen (hopefully sat in the sunshine, rather than sat about inside sheltering from the rain) and then I redraft when I type it up. Therefore, any draft that is stored on a computer is a second draft for me, no matter what stage of plat the development is in (eg: It could ony have 3 scenes and the scenes are 2nd draft. the rest of the play hasnt been written yet!)

Well my plotting and planing and writing needs to be 2nsd drafted and I looked over at my writing desk this morning and really couldnt facee it. why? because it was covered in filth.
Here is an itenary of things that I've just tried to et rid of.

• broken printers
• dirty laptop
• wireless usb thingy
  
• make up wipes
  
• ash
• cups
• necklaces
  
• hair ties
• hole punch
• Hoffmole's play
  
• bookchair
  
• Dragon Ball Comic
• The Complete works of Christian Anderson
  
• The complete works of George Orwell
  
• The Complete Works of Shakespeare
  
• zigzags
• tampax
• Busted's first album (dont ask)
• 2006 diary
  
• 3 notepads
  
• 2 empty wine bottles
  
• 3 ashtrays
  
• photos of people I dont know
  
• Angela's fake tan (???)
• lettrs from the arts council
  
• a bookchair
  
• floppy disks
  
• a broken iPod (dark crystal)
  
• Sid and Nancy (film)
• a small plastic Miffy
  
• Glasses
  
• Pair of Sissors
  
• elbowlength gloves made from tights
  
• sure crystal deoderant
  
• a copy of Select from 1992
  
• a sofa referral form
  
• pistashio shells
  
• no lighters!!!
  

You see, having all this shit piled up in your workspace cant be productive. I dont mean I'm suddenly into Feng Sui, but really, people. I'm so lazy, I NEED to tidy up once in a while!

and now all this shit is piled on my bed...

I've had a good day

Well, it didnt start good. Firstly, I woke up with an impending sence of dread over Eddy's Bar-B-Q that he had planned for this evening, regarding freeloading Libra's who want to get fed and beer'd for free, Scendly the pot and pan cupbord vomited its entire contents over my feet and all 3 of the cats escaped. I trust vince to lol about in a flower pot in the sunshine, and to some extent I trust howard with the ugly face not to leave the decking, but Milly is new and prone to get ran over/ eaten by dog/ lost.

Anyway - back to the productivity. I sat in the sunshine with the cats and rewrote a scene ive been working on and really broke through with some key points. I've now relised:

• Kirsten and Eric break up before her death
  
• the surface reason why they break up is because of her drug use
  
• Kirsten uses Heroin because she dos'nt believe that Eric can really like her and she doubts his authenticity
  

this then feeds into The Mermaid and Ophelia. Both of them were dumped and disregarded by their "princes" in their tales (excuse unintended pun) and have a lack of trust for men. they almost "bully" Kirsten into using heroin and can be interpreted as peices of her psyche. Also the audince never really get to know if Eric really does love her sincearly or not. He pleads with ehr to get clean but if anybody knows the mentality of an adict you say anyhting to sort them out.

Anyway - this has to be short. the Boyfriend is doing some "cat politics" (dont ask) and Eddy's Bar-B-Q needs some sorting out before it happens.

Blogger the bain of my life

Well, some of you may have noticed that Blogger have been mucking me about somewhat. I switched to blogger beta, which didnt seem to be much difference exept that i couldn't sign into the damed thing. then, Blogness and out in hte wilderness for a while, i created a new blog. However, after the new one was created and posted on and i'd put comments onto other peoples blogs and emailed the new blog address about to people, I COULD THEN SIGN INTO MY OLD ONE!!!!

Much swearing and breaking of pots and cups later, I decided to continue with the old blog as it has most of my posts on it and coppied and pasted the blog entries off hte new one onto the old one. To avoid confusing my tiny brain further, I deleted the old one and am now continuing with this...

so there.

On other notes, "the Boyfriend" is being a pain. He's sodded off to watch the awfulness which is Harry Hill and the added terror of Dr Who (David Tenant must die!) under the pretext that it will give me some time to write... I know the real reason and it involves springtime, walks in parks and planning barbques... basically things he thinks I'll find endering when I really think its all naff.

On other things to do with the personal life, Angie and Mark have actually finished for good, She's got her claws into a tree surgen called Nick Tudor at the moment. That bloody fleabag of a cat is now living on my stairs...

Oh, god. I can hear the howling banshee laugh of the HoffMole...

STUPID GOOGLE BLOG CRAP!!!

Well it looks liek the other blog that I had to start up because Google is terrible didnt transpire well and they gave me my old one back! here are all the psots that i made on the old one! Sorry People!

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Rants

well, Inspired by Hannah and her rant entry on her blog it really made me think what annoys me and I think is wrong in the world. this was a pretty hard thing for me to do as most of the time I'm just a retard masqurading as a genious (*cough, cough*) or perhaps the other way round! Muhahahahahaha!

Anyway - what annoys me? Why does it annoy me and why do I feel that an entire blog post should be devoted to my comments on the grandmasterflash that is life?

Firstly, I'm usually silent and dippy in "meaning of the universe" / "politics" / "philosophy" / "religion" type conversations, simply because I came to the conclusions a long time ago that my opinion dont count for shit in hte grand scheeme of things. I'm not being all whiney and "poor me", I'm quite naturally apathetic towards most of the world and the ramblings of a not-so middle class girly with stinky hair isn't gonna change the world, or make anyone sit up and take notice so why bother? Secondly, it really grates on me that I might feel that my opinion is more valid than any others. I'm no authority on anything. I'm just annother person living on this blue and green sphere that's just as insignificant enough as the next person. Thirdly, I have no confidence in my education, sure, I went to uni and swallowed a massive pill of essays and books by people who may be more elequont and coherent than me, but it seemed somewhat fake... like a bunch of people just saying the same thing again and again and never really coming to any conclusions....

anyway - why am i doing a ranty blog again? Oh, yeah, to vent my aggression that is usually squashed down into a little ball of anger inside me.

Ducks

I actually hate them. There is no reason why, well, no real reason other than they taste horrid and quack and look slightly rubbish. They seem arogant and daft. Weird seeing as my fave Disney character was Donald duck as a kid...

Oh, and I thought the theme tune to Duck Tales was cool as well.

Sting

Sting is rubbish. even The Police are terrible because of Sting.

David Bowie

Is mean to his mother. I met her once and she was in a care home stinking of her own urine and jabbering nonsence. Also his mullet and lumpy leggings scarred the living beJesus out of me as a kiddy. He hunts my nightmares. He gave my mum a ham once and I wouldnt go near it.

Violent Crackheads

Who are lovely one minuite and you can really relate to them and stuff, but are complete assholes towards poor people who work in the service industry. then they decide that you are against them too because you have pointed out that perhaps the poor waiter / usher / postman was simply doing his job and then decide that the entire world is against them and get violent and destructive. these are the type of people that you manhandle out of your house becuse they are being unreasonable and they decide that instead of going somewhere else to sleep that night or perhaps reasoning with you, they will piss through the letter box onto the carpet.

Posh Foodies

Ok, I like cooking. I do. I'm not a Foodie as such, but I like to create a good meal and then eat it. "The Boyfriend" once told me that he was given a pot noodle and his mum and dad made him eat it outside. Makes me MAD! Snobbery!!! I grew up on a diet of Angel Delight, Panda Pops and Mcdonalds and it really didnt do me any harm.

People that Love Themsleves

And not only are they not good looking, they are often not very nice personalities as well. Some are closet PTLT People and it only becomes apparent when a camera is pointed at them. Some sit and talk about how great they are for HOURS! Jesus! Shut the fuck up! Your ego is the size of Manhatten!

Strength Through Criticism

Is a wonderful female chinese thang that is heirarchial and appears in the matriarchal side of the family. It's simply the older ("ahmah") critizises the younger women in the family CONSTANTLY until they become perfect. Perfect in the workplace, perfect for marriage, etc... this transpires down the generations to the youngest member. It happens in Western Familys also but is more hidden. In chinese culture its actively encouraged and simply a part of life.
Man, it sux.

Overpriced Shite

Habitat is guilty of this. Joy and Marks and Spensers - I've got my eye on you!

Size Zero

Less said about this the better. If we all ignore it then maybe it'll just go away. Either that or those stupid enough to try it will die of mallnutrition.

Mullets

Ok, not strictly a hatrid. Mullets are cool to laugh at (Pat Sharpe). But the designer Mullet topped up with Topshop fashion needs to be scourged from the earth.

"The Boyfriends" Compliments

"Oh, Your wearing Make Up. You look hidious"
"Sabrina, you're very well fed"
"You're the only person here with normal eyebrows" (ie. 'cos I cant be arsed to pluck them)

The Council and Jobcenter Plus

When all I'm doing is a simple request like "can I get some more budgeting loan forms please?" I have to call round 30 different numbers and then get the request passed onto a supervisor. What if I was in real need? All the confusion and red tape and streamlining down of services makes the service impossible to access for those who need it. Its fucking Bollocks. If you really are in a crisis, you need money to make the 30 phone calls. It's possibly easier just to starve.

The Boyfriend

Well I mentioned him in the last post and he'll never forgive me if I don't explain.

It's very perculiar because a lot of my prose lies around the chick-lit dynamic of boy-girl manipulative realitionships, that and a mixture of modern fairy tale mythology and imagry / symbolism. In fact "The Boyfriend" tried to convince me to rewrite the Disney version of Beauty and the Beast. I'm not too sure if I really want to do that, but hey, I know where he's coming from.

To get a better understanding of my writing then look at this http://www.umbrellastories.com/frameset.html
I know many of you have seen it and its possibly not bothered linking cos blogger is shit, but you get the drift...

Anyway - tons of my stuff is very down on realtionships, or relationships that are destructive in some way, shape or form. It's all anti marriage and anti boys to some degree ("The Boyfriend" calls it "Man hating rants").

And then there is my reality.

Ok, I have had some shitty relationships in the past. Guys who are manipulative, lazy, selfish, boring, violent, sexually repressed, sexually far too active (ie. not with me and often behind my back!), drug addicts, alcholic, Racist, arogant and with no sence of humour. This all goes into my writing. But now I'm actually with someone who's quite nice (but not too nice) and its made me be all rose tinted eyeballs (the lazy eye as well!) and its difficult to keep up with the "All realtionships are crap" motif.

I should stop whinging and just grow up! Write something that hugh Grant could act in!!!

Oh, and if your wondering... No I'm not going out with David Hasslehoff, Just his hair double.

Flippin 'Ek!

well I've taken the day off work. The express purpouse of this time off in lew is to get mermaids up and running off the damned ground and sort out my thoughts regarding annother play for hte playwrites studio tonight. Rubbish. I'm deffo not gonna bother doing any of that shit. I'ts amazing that I got up really, but that was more to do with the fact that "The Boyfriend" had work and had to travel to lovely Loughborough (which means waking up at a fairly unreasonable time - which means me waking up aswell).

Anyway, enough about him. He'd talk about himself all day and all night if he could and really dosent need me mentioning him. the plays.... the plays.... I have no idea what is happeneing with "The Plays". what the hell am I doing? I mean really now. I've got 1/2 of Mermaids and Drowning Women sorted, and I know what direction its going (ie: I know hte end) Its just the action thats bothering me. all my characters do is begin in an odd setting or perform one powerful action while monolouge begins and speaks... I dunno. next logical step would really to just have The Mermaid and Ophelia talking about Kirsten and her life. Its the creshendo of Eric, so somewhat poiniant that Kirsten's sub-egos are the only things present onstage, and I want to keep the image of the bath. So... I dunno... Its all coming out a bit arty-wanky and pretentious, but to be fair, its only cos its bonkers but really controlled bonkersness (which cant be such a possible thing?) It's so differnt from Sing, Sing and other things I've written. Its blatently Wacky and odd rather than just being a grotesque parody of reality (ie: gritty realism thats so real its gotta be fake).

And the other play? The one for playwrites studio and Stephen Lowe? Dunno. Aint the foggiest. Possibly something nutty. I've got a bit of a thing for someone thats made of stars and hanging from the celing but beyond that I think my real story would be about an old man who dies alone... Fantasy and Lonliness are possibly my key points. He's so lonley that he fantasises about a weird life (v. neverending story), or that Fantasy breeds lonliness? the fact that he's so wrapped up in his fantasy world that he can't see that its making him lonley? Also dreams and really being asleep are possibly some type of key here (V. Neil Gaiman - possibly he'll not notice!)

Monday, April 2, 2007

oh for fuck's sake!!!!

Now I'm getting angry! you cant even click on the link thingy! i really hate hte modern world sometimes. The modern world is what makes me smoke and curse and cry and take pills that send me loopy enough to remove and rip the wallpaper off my walls in some violent outrage of hatred and fuming fury! I get so frustrated sometimes with all of this. Why did they have to change it? It was fine before. It comes so easy for some people to crete something like this damned thing. and I, well, I have to arse about with all of this fucking bollocks and get myslef into a tizzy to the point of pulling out my dreadlocks with damned frustration.


grrrrr! grrrrrr! grrrrrr!

its bloody annoying.

So here is a nice picture of me looking like a Hippy on Fosse Rec. It was actually taken by a hippy I know called Lucy Hunt and when you take magic mushrooms your brain becomes exactly like Lucy's.

my old blog

http://sabrinameilismith.blogspot.com/

which i was really proud of :(

blogger? blogger? who the fuck is blogger?

Damn blog problems. its been 3 months now and i've been unable to succesfully do things to my blog simply because blogger has gone all beta. i have no idea what the hell beta is to be fair. its a real pain in hte arse. am trying to get somehting up and running now and links and things so maintainace is now a real issue

Posted by Sabrina Mei-Li Smith at 11:52 AM

which bloggy mc blog blog am i posting on?

ok, now google are being uber wank.