Just going back to the hat thing

Following is a blog entry by annother writer (whom I shant name)

"A gentleman's hat is his castle
There's something that happens at every party I'm at,And that is that somebody steals my hat.Why is it that so many otherwise responsible and law-abiding people seem don't seem to perceiveThat it is unacceptable to take another fellow's headgear without so much as a by-your-leave?You wouldn't dream of pinching somebody's coat or shoes or anything like that,So why don't the ordinary rules of respect for other people's property seem to apply to the hat?Everybody thinks it's a jolly good laugh to pluck it off your head and mill around wearing it,And they don't give a damn that they risk creasing or tearing it.Turn up at any social event sporting your prized fedora or trilby,And I guarantee you that by the time the party is over you have no idea where it will be.Sometimes you find it on the floor all out of shape because it's been stamped on,And once somebody took mine and ran out the door into a waiting taxi and I found out later that they had taken it home with them to Southampton.But that's not the worst of it, because last weekend I went to a friend's housewarming and wondered whether it was a good idea to take a hat at all, but I decided I'd risk it -And something happened that took the biscuit.Towards the end of the night, when people had started to make their excuses and leave and most of the beer was gone,I noticed that my hat was no longer on.So I looked all over for it, and eventually found it laid carelessly on the counter in the kitchen,Half full of sugar, which I tried to tip out but it got all mixed up in the band and the stitchin'.So now my hat feels all sticky andrough,And sometimes some of the sugar gets onto my hair and looks like dandruff.And if you lick it, it still tastes sweet all down the right side,But I suppose I'd better look on the bright side,Because if I ever become a secret agent, and they send me to the desert on a secret mission,And I forget to take any food with me, I'll still have some form of nutrition.So the day may come when I'm grateful to the drunken idiot who ruined my favourite trilby, and feel like I want to buy him a drink and give his back a pat,And if that ever happens, I'll eat my hat."

Now the real story was this bloke turned up wearing a trillby and a tanktop and I was pissed. Someone put the hat on my head. I did not want the hat, and the tanktop wearing one asked me, in a non polite way, to not smoke in the hat (alltho I saw him smoking a pipe wearing the offending article) and as I said before, I was pissed.
So I poured suger in it and I dunno why he seems to think it was a chap, cos he was glaring death looks at me all night. He knew it was me.