Im dying

i feel ill. sure im coming down with bronchitus or some type of terrible lurgey...

so anyway, it looks like i may not have home tinternet access for teh newst few months (dammit) cos ive moved house and there is some wack deal on that means i cant actually do my work with BT (who are useless). what is on my horizon i hear you all scream in anticipation?

Ladyfest is on the 6/7/8th oct so get yo asses there.
im being interviewd at some point by ed stillard for 69 mag with the publicity specilist from the semper project
im dying

yes. actually dying is going to take up most of my time and my main intrest will be lemsip...

gak!

Tears dry on their own.

Have you heard the new Amy winehouse song? I’m not generally a big fan but I do like it and it made me actually listen to Back to Black (song not album) and download some of her stuff cos it’s pretty interesting. I like Amy Winehouse now, actually for the music as opposed to the tattoos and fact that she scares Hoffmole half to death!

Anyway – Looks like I’m conducting the Ladyfest theatre writing workshop on my own! Eek! What a scary thought! I’m gonna have to dig out all those Emma Rosoman exercises and try to create some purpose in 2 hours.

Today someone at work wanted to buy the cardigan that I’d scavenged from Nunu the policewoman’s eBay pile…

It’s green.

Anyway – Semper is taking shape (in my head and on paper if nowhere else) and some bloke from the secular hall called Wilfred Gaunt (great name) keeps missing me (and I keep missing him). I’ve been a megalomaniac and:

• Split people up into teams (we should really actually have a bit of a discussion regarding what EXACTLY each team does)
• Got the ACE form nearly completed
• Done the budget (briefly – we need to speak about this also)

But it makes me feel that I've had some type of progression rather than just mellowing around in circles.

In addition:

• The while room theatre company have been in touch and I’ve been briefing them about what Semper is all about
• There is a youth-at-risk arts group in Loughborough that want to take part

Also there are 2 ways my life can go at the moment…

1) Uni – do I want to go back to uni? I would like to be a student again. It was fun.

2) Trainee Housing Adviser – I stop the evil council evicting people. Nuff said.

Black Butterfly

The black butterfly symbolises the malfunctioning nature in modern society. It creates and harbours the illusion that butterflies are an infinitely feminine and beautiful creature. Moths are not beautiful, indeed some people are petrified of them, so to make the butterfly black is to shift the focus away from beauty and simply add it into the Addams Family-style dimension of the sinister and bizarre.

Surely, to shift a motif of beauty into the area of gothic fantasy (with or without a sense of humour – I haven’t decided yet) is to replace the meaning of beauty. Replacing the meaning of beauty then in turn questions the area that made the original meaning. And that throws the original premise swiftly down to the abyss of anarchy.

It devalues and fucks up meaning, it highlights that nothing is stable. The black butterfly is here with us to stay. Not so much a moth, not so much a butterfly, not a caterpillar anymore, nothing.

But it is something. I’m not existentialist enough to simply say nothing. Simply the black butterfly exists.

And thank God it does! If everything was as simply defined then we’d all be out of a job! It then symbolises something more.

What is this more? What?

It now becomes a symbol of the dysfunctional, the cynical and the depressed. It is a manifestation of what is seen beyond reality.

The butterfly hovers like a humming bird, but makes no noise.

It’s the newspaper article that accuses another mascara brand of using fake lashes on airbrushed models; it’s the pyramid scheme, its “earn £200 extra per week” cards in the post office. It’s an ASBO awarded to the poor family that do not have a garden for their kids to play in so they kick a ball about in the street.

The black butterfly is the un-squashable feeling of the alternative. It’s the marginalised feeling. It’s not being able to cope with what you are supposed to be, it’s a manifestation.

Its Frauza Balk going from Dorothy Gale to Nancy, its Sylvia Plath’s corpse hanging out of the back of an oven, its Amy Winehouse singing about Rehab and then going to rehab.

It’s what Beth Ditto wants to be but sold out.

There is something just not right with a world that prides things that don’t really matter over shit that does. Really. What are you more worried about? The double chin? The size of your penis? Those new shoes in Topshop or the twelve people who were just killed in some foreign war-torn country halfway across the globe. Honestly? For me it’s those shoes in Topshop. I’m just as bad as the rest of them. I’m just as conditioned and exposed to modern society. If I wasn’t I wouldn’t by clothes from Primark, have a freezer or shave my legs. We are all conditioned into this false economy. False. That’s what it is. Takes a special person to stop and really look.

Plato banged on about caves and images and prisoners. It’s the modern world. It’s any world, but then the butterfly shakes my argument with its dark wings fluttering at the back of my mind. What is real?

headache

oh ive got a headache. ive been doing my dasterdly deeds all weekend regarding a certain semper project and its given me a headache.

just wanna say a big fank yoo to alex walsh for helping sort this pigsty out.

went over to my mate nu's ebay corner last night. it was pretty brill. got some brown trousers and cardigans and tops and a necklace. got some stuff for charisse as well.

And something AMAZING happened on the way over there... Hoffmole actually said "you look nice" thats the first time EVER he's said that!!! its usually insults masqurading as compliments from that one. i was (as usual) head 2 toe primark clasics (got a dress £3 the other day when i went shopping with angie)

Mole said we could watch 2 movies tonight and he'd cook stir fry and I'd make a trifle. So far I've made a trifle and he's played video games. Some things never change.

I'm gonna do an MA next year in playwriting. I've got the cash secured now. Where is good to go?

Time 2 Write - a few tips

How to Find Time to Write

For most of us, making time to write will always be something of a struggle. With friends and family, financial obligations, and emotional issues all vying for our attention, it takes determination to make a writing schedule and stick to it. I've come to the conclusion that there is no easy answer, but there are concrete things we can do to make time to write.

1. Pinpoint the issues that keep you from making time to write.

If you've always wanted to write and aren't doing it, invest some thought in figuring out the source of your writer's block. Is it a fear of failure, a longstanding tendency to procrastinate, or just basic everyday obligations that get in your way? If it's not immediately obvious what the block is, spend some time in the self-help aisle, or talk it over with a friend, a therapist, or life coach. As you begin to understand the things that prevent you from writing -- whether internal or external -- you can make a plan to overcome them.

2. Schedule time to write.

It's not glamorous or exciting to adhere to a schedule, but it really does help. If you work full-time, it may actually be easier to establish a regular time each day in which to write. Get up early and write before you leave the house, take a notepad with you to lunch, or stop off at a coffee shop on your way home. Students may have a full day of the week to devote to creative writing. Stay-at-home moms and dads often rely on nap time. The schedule may evolve as your life changes, but most people get more done if they have a regular writing time. Make that time golden, as you would any important appointment. You'll feel better about yourself and your life if you know you're making time to write.

3. Resist the impulse to overdo it.

If you're the kind of person who tends to throw yourself into a new project only to burn out after a week or two, consider giving yourself stop times for writing. Don't let yourself become obsessed in the beginning. Write for your hour or two and then continue with your daily routine. And all of us benefit from scheduling time for fun, even if it's only sneaking out to a movie or calling up an old friend. Remember that you're in it for the long haul, and that your mind needs time to replenish itself.

4. Accept the fact that it's not always going to be easy.

You may be more tired at the end of the day. Some social obligations might get pushed aside. Your family might have to pitch in. Decide what you're willing to sacrifice for a few hours a week dedicated to writing. Most of us have obligations we can't avoid, but if you're determined, you can manage both. At the same time, be content with whatever you can realistically give to your writing. Even an hour a day adds up over time.

5. Find resources to help you maintain your schedule.

What you're trying to do isn't easy. Support yourself in as many ways as possible. Books on writing can help, as does having a dedicated writing space. And almost all writers benefit from some kind of community. If other people you know are sacrificing aspects of their careers or social lives for creative endeavors, it will be easier to do it yourself. As with any lifestyle choice, associating with a few people who share your priorities and your struggles will help sustain you over time.

nice boy gone wrong

what have i done to him?



this was taken in november 2006

themes

ive been trying to get to the root "theme" of my play and i think it might be transformation. transformation literally and transformation metaphorically in peoples characters. i jut have to make starchild and the cave actually transform (characters).

and its about the lack of freedome within transformation. Starchild will become a constilation. he does this after a transformation in his character (which im sure has somehting to do with that damned serpent) and hte cave must detour from her preprogrammed path of transformation (ie. she loves starchild, recognises its impossible but does it anyway) at the moment he accepts he must transform. htis leads us onto annother reoccuring motif. love is shit.

in other news i applied to do an ma in tv scriptwriting and didnt get in. just as well really, it was a rash decision that i would have regretted. i also got turned down for the job in derby, but i recon that was not for me. more arts-admin boredome than the real creative thing.

Travis McCoy

is the new person i have a crush on!




mmm... hes yummy!

Billie Holiday

I'm gonna write a 20 min peice about a delusional housewife who talks to Billie Holiday when things get too much for her. Mostly my own style again with the whole overlapping dialouge that is all about 2 people not really communicating. I read an autobiography of Holiday when I was away in Nottingham in Hoffy's parents beautiful garden in the sunshine. He skulked about indoors giving me dirty looks and quaffing down cider and john smiths (only joking loviee xxxx) there were certain bits of the bio that really got my brain juices flowing.

for example, holiday was once so fucked that she thought an earthquake was the champagne kicking in, she was so poor and died penniless and she once stabbed herself in the head with one of her flower hatpin things and went on stage to continue singing... think i can make use of stuff like this. I'm going to call the peice "Lady Day" after her nickname and the other woman is going to be more like something out of jeremy kyle...

its a kinda relistic / crazy thing that fuses the 2 things i seem to be doing at the moment.

Kate Nash

Ok, so shes a ginger and sounds exactly like Lilly Allen, but she did a song called foundation and the lyrics are really good and remind me of every time I go out with Hoffmole and he decides that I've done something stupid or wrong and I recon it's actually a really nice song... in some ways!

SUMO!

Well I should have publicised this everywhere but it really came at a very busy time for me!!!

we had a small gig at sumo bar on branustone gate on saturday 1st september. what a fiasco! i was dreaming about it last night and co-ordinating and my peice didnt go very well, but overall it was a pretty good sucess i think. im dead pleased with all the work that was done by everyone so this is a hiphop style shout out!

thanks to...

Stacey Adams first with the Ladyfest crew
Alex Ellis for Bubble and disgrunted friend
Alex Mack for Everything
Lucy Wade for Lupus
Robin Johnson for Broken Holmes
Alex Walsh for being Holmes and Starchild
Helen Brewin for being the Sky at the last min!
Helena vickers for being Gin Whore
Jackson Miller for being Drone (again at the last min!)
Cat for Lupus
Phil hurst for inept men
Ken for inept men and the urine
Dom for intpt men and the police
Becky for being the boy who gets kicked
Phil and Bober for being a very strange family!

if i've missed anyone im dead sorry!

oh dear!

hte next few weeks are pretty busy for me.

1. starchild and the cave draft deadline is 30th August
2. I must get back to those who have submitted work to Ladyfest by the begining week of Septmber
3. Momentum is 21st August to 25th August!
4. the Semper day out is 1st sept (and no rehersals have been done)
5. i have a job interview on 29th August in Derby!

best get cracking!

smeg!

ive got sooo much on at the moment. momentum festival, house viewings and job interview and sumo event and getting smacked!

well. i also have a deadline to compleate starchild for august 30th. fuckfuckfuck!!!!

how am i going to do this? its annother one of those write at every free moment things but sometimes that dosnet really work. oh dear.

but to be fair i ALWAYS meet deadlines. i didnt even get one extention at uni or anything!

oh, and BTW, what is with this Mika thing? and why do i like his so much? is he gay? will he go out with me?

cute!

Look! Look how cute HowHow can be!

Film - The medium I forgot

Over the past week I've been watching soooo many films its unreal! Seeing as nobody bothers with videos these days and people have replaced their entire collections with DVD's they really are a bit of a steal in charity shops!

Over the Past few day's I've also been recouperating and vegging out in front of the TV, seeing as every time I got up I was dizzy. So I've watched:

• True Romance (the one with Patricia Arquette and Christian Slater being an Elvis obsessed weirdo)
• Hairspray (the original and the best with Rikki Lake)
• Gone With The Wind (5 hours of Clarke Gable does weird things to a girl!)
• Flash Gordon (pure class!)
• Murial's Wedding ("Waterloo! lalalalalalalal!")
• Karatie Kid
  
• Karatie Kid 2 ("Miagieeee!")
• Educating Rita
• The Crow (I've always thought this was well funny)
• The Fly
  

tonight I'm looking over at High Fidelity or perhaps forcing the mole to watch the craft. I mean we've also got a Disney backlog of the Aristor Cats and Sleeping beauty, but we've also got time Bandits and Twins and the lost boys and resivoir dogs... but i dont think the mole will want to sit through the lost boys without ranting!

it has come to my attention...

that i seem to have badmouthed Howard along my posts!

HowHow, I'm very sorry for all the insensitive comments I may have made about your lovely squished face!

Charisse, however, Everything I say about her is true!


muha!

only joking chuck!


also tried to upload a pic of howhow off facebook but this retarded fucking thing wont let me!!!

Dec 2006 - Dec 2007

Punk n. A youth movement of the late ‘70’s characterised by anti-establishment slogans and outrageous clothes and hairstyles. 2. An inferior, rotten or worthless person or thing. 3. Worthless articles collectively. 4. Short for punk rock. 5. Obs. A young male homosexual; cat. 6. Obs. A prostitute – adj. 7. Rotten or worthless

I got a book out the library today. It's fasscinating! Watch this space!

12 months of my life in fiction form might just save this novel! I've woken up and relised that I've been barking up the wrong tree. A tree of past demenours and it's nothing to do with any trees that talk!

Shit

Got myself into a bit of bother over the weekend. Gonna be signing off for a bit. Big black eye, swelling, a court case and a minor head injury are never fun.



sionara

Fookin' 'Ippy!

Bought some jeans the other day that were original 1972 flared wranglers from a charity shop for£3. Apparently the ironic thing is that they would have cost £3 back in the day! The heat is making me go all weird, not happy weird as I'm a Capricornus moody bitch at the best of times, sulking around urban areas in thee rain wearing too much eyeliner, but "EEEK! Too much in life can't cope with stress" weird. Moley and I have been touristy, going to the spacecentre (which was educational and overpriced) but it did make me think a bit about plays and staging. Revisited Mermaids and Kirsten's story is far too all over the place and needs a strengthing htread to pull it through. Concluded hte thread was to emphasise her loss. Loss of life, loss of love and loss of herself in hte overall narrative. this in turn will give me a headace and make me later think "but what did she gain?" and I know the answer won't be nothing as I glance at hippies slumped like dead bumblbees on parks and hum in my head "my fahter when I was younger took me up onto the hill, looked down on the city streets and all the factory spill, said "now this is where I come, when I want to be free" but he never was in his lifetime, but these words stuck with me." Saw Kelly-Anne the other day. She lives on Moacre Hill with her fella and babies and benifits and she seems happy, but then again, she's the type to be happy in any situation. Doing Semper stuff and feeling bogged, bogged, bogged. should start looking at things in bitesized chunks rahter then everything all together. Mole is cooking dinner tonight, don't be surprised if I phone in sick tomorrow with real dioreeah.

Macral Fillets are the work of the Gods

They really are. I just cant stop eating tins of them. Rosemary Connoly even likes them and says they are healthy so it cant be that bad an obsession. If someone knows where to buy the type in curry or chilli sauce please tell me, they're the best.

On other news I went with my pet mole to Nottingham over hte weeked to visit crazy Mark. He's very strange and seems to have a little following of seventeen year old psudo-hippies with names like Cyrus and Patty. Oh very bohemian! Perissa (his new girlfriend) had radically reamped the house and even painted the toilets pink! Hoffy took me on the Tales of Robin Hood ride which was horrendiously expensive and all because a wobbling jelly.

first rehersals / read thru for a play that I havent written yet on saturday. bricking and it are used in the same sentance.

Going to the space centre on Friday. Never been, might be a laugh to be a tourist in your own city.